I didn’t ever think I would write a post like this. Something so personal. But after the tragic passing of Caroline Flack, I thought it was something that more people should shine a light on.
Words are so powerful. They can either lift people higher, or destroy so painfully.I have spent many years teaching myself to not allow other people’s words effect me. However, unfortunately sometimes hurtful words slip through the cracks and break us piece by piece.
To some, this may come as quite a shock. Whether you know me personally or you follow my social media account. You may see me as someone who is happy and bubbly and really enjoys life. I try my hardest to see the positives in everyday and everyone. This is not a lie. I do love my life and I am so fortunate for the one I live.
But I have been tested. I was tested to the point that I found myself questioning on more than one occasion if it was actually worth all the pain and heartache.
“Be careful of whatever words come out of your mouth, it maybe something too hurtful to leave someone’s mind.”
This feeling and want to give up, stemmed from the hurtful words of another. False accusations and statements. There are only so many times when someone tells you that you are “unloved” and “a joke” amongst other horrible names, that pains me to even repeat, that it eventually takes its toll.
I began to believe these words. So much so that I started to push people away, because I accepted the fact I wasn’t loved. I was made to feel so small when I had worked so hard on loving myself unconditionally.
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
The reason that I am pushing so hard to be strong is because I cannot let the hurt I’ve been caused, cause even deeper pain to my family. I don’t just want to be another number in the statistics.
I am not writing this for sympathy. But to be the voice of people that no longer have one. Or those who are also suffering. I still want to live this life, but somedays are much harder than others.
The truth is, it is not as easy as telling someone “not to listen”, or “what they said isn’t true,” because some things can stick with you forever.
“Stay alive for the people you will become. You are more than a bad day or year. You are a future of multifarious possibility.You are another self, at a point in future time, looking back in gratitude, that this lost and former you held on. You are not just this you. Stay.” – Matt Haig
Be kind. Think before you speak. Taste your words before you spit them out.